When I was yours
by mein.gemini
Summary: Aradia looks back at how she lost Sollux and how his relationship with Eridan started. And what the cause of it was.


A/N: So yes, hello. First story and it's in the Homestuck fandom. Please be nice to me. ; v ; This is an EriSol fic but would be in the eyes of Aradia.

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Aradia's POV

I wonder how long has it been since I've lost you.

It as if time had stopped for me but for you, it continued on as if the time we spent together were merely, metaphorically saying, hours. And maybe it is. Because I never gave them to you properly. Never spent enough to be with you, never managed to clear up some of my schedule so I could go home and maybe have dinner with you and catch up with our lives. And for that I apologize.

But what is to apologize for if there's nothing I could do about it?

It was I who drove you away to another person and even though I hate to admit it I'm happy for you. I can see how he treats you better than I did. He was able to give you more of his attention, more of his affection, more of his _love_. And I could never ask him to do more for you but to cherish you and keep you safe. The things I was unable to do, the things I refused to do for my own selfish reasons.

I can see that you are perfectly happy with him. I have never seen you smile the way you are smiling right now. When we were together you hardly smile, and when you do I can tell that sometimes it's forced or worse, you're trying to hide that you're hurt. Hurt by me forgetting the dates we talked about, hurt that I keep breaking the promises I made with you. Picking my job and career over you, who's always patiently waiting, understanding. I could never fathom how you were able to withstand me because even when we had the rare chance of being able to have dinner together I only ever talk about my job, forgetting even to ask how your day has been.

Months passed and then a year, months and then another year and it continued on a little bit more with you trying to hold on to whatever there is of this relationship with me. I admire your determination but I guess it would really end up this way. Me letting you go and you finally getting something you deserve. And you _do_ deserve being happy, you of all people, who have sacrificed and helped me throughout my life should be the one blessed with all of the good things in life. But I was blind to all of those and I could only appreciate all of these things when you were gone.

It was unexpected, the meeting of the two of you again after years. Back in college (or was it high school?) you never got along with him, always bickering, always fighting. When you would go to my house and spend time with me you would always talk about it, how angry you were with him and I merely laughed it off as your childish rivalry. Never had I imagined that person being the one that would deliver you from the pain that I've inflicted to you ever since this relationship started.

If possible I would like to go back to the time when we were just kids, friends, nothing more nothing less. Because back then I was able to give you everything you needed, a shoulder to lean and cry on, your back up, your refugee when things go awry between you and Karkat, I was your other _best friend_. But when we stepped on our third year of college, that stopped and instead I became _your_ girlfriend. And now... now I'm nothing. I'm merely a part of your past. And I decided that for you, even if you were against it, I ended it. After all I didn't want to prolong your agony.

You were a wreck afterwards, and I could not do anything but pity you. You loved me so much more than you were able to love yourself but just as I was blinded by your efforts you were blinded by your feelings. You didn't see how much you're hurting yourself by staying with me. And when everything ended you turned into a shell of someone I didn't know. It's as if you lost everything. Not even Karkat and Gamzee or anybody else for that matter was able to help you. You were on your path to self destruction and then _he _came.

_He_ was the only person who was able to get you back to your feet. _He_ was no other than Eridan Ampora, the man you thought you loathed with your entire being, that you cursed over and over again because of his unusual way with things. And he was the person who was able to give you the things you have generously given me. The time, love and care that you've shown me he did to you, he understood you maybe more than I did and more than I'll ever do and for that I'm grateful for him.

And now that I see you two together. So perfect, so happy. I could never remove the twinge of jealousy and the pang of guilt that I would feel in my chest. He was able to do all of the things that I was never able to do and somehow I regret that I didn't do it. You were one of the best, if not the best, things that happened in my life and I merely ignored you, mistreated you and left you to fend for yourself after I have done so much damage.

Because of that I'm sorry. I'm sorry Sollux for not being able to be the person to do that. I could only imagine now what my life would be if I did what he did but there's nothing I could do now to salvage that relationship. And because of that I could merely watch you from afar, the epitome of what I lost, and Eridan as a reminder of my immaturity. Because once you were mine, and I regret everything that I wasn't able to do when I was yours.

_FIN_

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A/N: So there we go. I'm sorry if it seems OOC. I have not personally been reading the comics but I've tried to gain as much information about the comics and characters but yeah...

This was inspired by 'When I was your man' by Bruno Mars. Lovely song guys.


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